What If?
by Kellorne
Summary: Jessica Harris is in for a shock when she gets a serous medical condition. She finds herself feeling weaker by the day, and when she suspects she's having a heart atack, she calls her doctor. Her doctor advises she goes to a hospital, and after many tests
1. Chapter 1

**_What If?_**

Part One  
The Loss Of Those We Love

Chapter One  
  
Jessica Harris lay in her bed. She didn't have the energy to move. It was 3 o'clock in the after noon, but she still hadn't eaten. She didn't have the energy to eat. She didn't have the energy to do anything. Why was she feeling this way? She felt worse by the day. Mabey she should go to the doctor. No, she couldn't. She wouldn't. She was too scared of what the doctor would tell her. Mabey it wasn't what she thought. but she was too scared that it would be. She had watched Kelly go through all the same simptoms. Tiredness, nousia, weakness. She had watched her life slip away. They couldn't save Kelly, so how would they be able to save her? Kelly was her best friend. She lost her all those years ago, yet she could still picture her face. Kelly was supposed to moving to Hollyoaks with her. They were going to start a brand new chapter, but then... A tear slowly trickled down Jess' cheek. What if the same thing happened to her? She wasn't strong enough to survive that. Kelly was, she fought to the bitter end. She always said the same thing. It made her lagh even thinking about it. "Regret nothing, deny everything." She wished she could do that. Kelly never looked back. But Jess was diffrent. She always looked back. It came as a great suprise that they became best friends. They were choc and cheese. The one thing they had in common was the fact that they both came top of the class. At everything. Well, except from PE. They both were rubbish at that. They were the smartest kids in school. All the teachers said that they would go very far. Little did they know. Jess couldn't go to the doctors. She couldn't be told the same thing as Kelly. She wouldn't cope. Mabey if she just lay there, it would go away. Mabey, she would wake up tommorow and everything would be back to how it should have been. Her and Kelly. Against the world. But deep down, she knew that wouldn't happen. Kelly was gone. And mabey in couple of months, Jess would be too.


	2. Chapter 2

_**What If?**_

_**Part One**_

_**Chapter Two**_

Jess woke up. Her heart was pounding. She felt dizzy and sick. She tried to get up but she was unable to move. She slowly managed to move her head. It was 1 o'clock in the morning. She suddenly felt a shot of pain shoot all the way through her body. It passed quickly, but it kept coming back. She had had enough. She reached out to her bedside cabinate. She picked up her mobile and pressed in the number of her family doctor. He was always on duty. It rang a couple of times before a man answered the phone.

Dr: Hello?

Jess: Hi, It's Jess. Sorry, I know its late, but I think some thing wrong with me.

Dr: Oh Jessica, whats wrong?

Jess: Well, I've started to feel realy weak latley. I haven't been able to do anything. And I woke up about 20 minutes ago with sharp pain all over my body.

Dr: Jessica, that sounds serious. Why didn't you call earlyer?

Jess: I thought I might be having the same symptoms as Kelly.

Dr: Jessica, I think I better phone an ambulance.

Jess: Oh no, you can't!

Dr: Jessica. This is serious. Are any of your flat mates in?

Jess: No. They went on holiday. Thy're dew back in two days.

Dr: They left you like this?

Jess: I didn't tell them I wasn't feeling well.

Dr: Oh Jessica. Thats it. I'm calling an ambulance. It should be ther in 15 minutes.

With that, the doctor put the phone down. Jess slowly sat up. She was aching all over. Her throat was as dry as the saharah desert. She was just able to get up. She needed a drink. She slowly walked over to the door. She opened it and walked through into the hall. Just as she reached the kitchen, she felt a sudden rush of dizyness. She went crashing to the floor. She just lay there. She was still awake but she couldn't get up. She breathed in heavyly. She closed her eyes. Was that the end of Jessica Harris.


	3. Chapter 3

_**What If?**_

_**Part One**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Jess opened her eyes. She was in a hospital room. Her heart was still beating at an astounding rate. She could tell from the banging im her ears, and the beep on the machine next to her. The ambulance men must have broke into the apartment when she didn't answer the door. She had all sorts of machines and drips all around her. She tried to sit up but she couldn't. She couldn't move at all. She felt so weak and helpless. This must have been how Kelly felt. Jess saw the door open, and a doctor walked through. He looked pleased to see her awake.

Dr: A Miss Harris. You're awake. I was wondering if I could have a little chat.

Jess felt the strong urge to say no. She didn't want to have a "little chat". She knew what that meant. And she didn't want to hear it.

Jess: Sure.

Dr: Great. Miss Harris, your doctor tells me that you have been feeling ill for quite some time, is that right?

Jess: Yes.

Dr: Why didn't you book an opointment earlier?

Jess: Because...I thought it was nothing.

Dr: Really? Because your doctor seems to think something else. Something to do with your late best friend?

Jess paused. He was right. She had been to scared. She slowly noded her head. Even that took alot of effort.

Dr: Miss Harris, we do understand why you were afraid to come to us, but if you had left it aany longer, it could have been fatal. Your whole body has almost shut down. Have you been eating regulalry?

Jess paused again. She didn't know what to say. Why was he asking her all this? Why couldn't he just get to the point?!

Jess: I haven't been very hungry lately.

Dr: Miss Harris, even if you aren't hungry, it is vital that you have at least one proper meal a day. And the fact that you haven't been eating properly hasn't helped you condition in the slightest.

Condition. That didn't sound to good.

Dr: Now Miss Harris, I have a few more questions...

Jess interupted him. She was sick of him and all his questions. She just wanted to know the truth.

Jess: Do I have it?

Dr: What?

Jess: Cancer. Do I have it or not?

The doctor took a long pause. She knew what the answer was before he even opened his mouth.

Dr: I'm afraid so.


	4. Chapter 4

_**What If?**_

_**Part One**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Jess' head was spinning. She had known what was coming, but it was still a shock. There had been a glimmer of hope somewhere inside her. But that had been shattered. She had it. Simple. There was nothing she could do about it. There was all sorts of treatments around these days, but at that moment, Jess felt like a hopeless case. Like there was nothing anyone could do. She was going to die. She suddenly realised the doctor had gone. She was alone, but she didn't want to be. God, how was she going to tell the others? Mabey she wouldn't have to. She could just go back, act as normal, then one day, someone else would tell them for her, and she wouldn't have to worry about them hassling her. It would be to late. She looked at her watch. Wow, she must have been knocked out for over 24 hours. The others would probebly be back at the flat soon. They probebly would wonder where she was. Or mabey not. Mabey, they would be so happy, they wouldn't realise she was gone. Happyness. Jess seemed to have forgotten what it felt like.

At the moment, Zack, Zoe, Will and Kris came bombing threw the door. Will, Zoe and Zack were all laughing their heads off, but Kris stayed unusualy quiet. But no one noticed. They had all had a little to much drink on the plane, so they were all dancing around. Jess left they happy bunch, and headed to Jess' room. He knocked. No answer. He knocked again. No answer. Kris opened the door. He looked around the room. No Jess. He went into the bathroom. No Jess. He then went into Will, Zack and Zoe's rooms. No Jess. He finnally checked his own room. No Jess. Kris was becoming increasingly worried. It was a Monday. Jess never has lectures on a Monday. She usually uses Monday to get over her hangover. Kris started to really worry. He went through to the living area.

Kris: Guys, Jess isn't here.

Will: Oh don't worry Kris, she's probebly copted off.

Zoe: WILL!

Zack: Ignore him mate, she probebly just went out to the shops.

Zoe: Yeh, I'm sure that theres nothing to worry about.

Little did Zoe know...


	5. Chapter 5

_**What If?**_

_**Part Two**_

_**Explination**_

_**Chapter One**_

Jess walked through the doors of the hospital. What was she going to say? She had been gone for a week. She turned her mobile on. She had 36 text messages and 17 missed calls. She scrolled down the texts. Zoe, Mum, Zack, Zoe, Kris, Kris, Kris, Kris, Kris, Kris, Kris... They all ahd pretty much the same thing.

Jess,

Where r u???

Im reely missin u.

Im woried bout u.

Plz cal or txt me.

Luvz Kris;)

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Jess felt tears briming. How was she going to explain. She would have to think of something. Anything. She wasn't ready to tell them. Not yet. She hadn't fully come to terms with it herself. Sh had three weeks. For in three weeks, she was going for her oppoeration. And if it was succesful, she would be fine. She could carry on living her life as normal. But if it wasn't... The doctor had put it as kind as he could. "If the opporation isn't a succes, em, you'll have around 6 months left." 6 months. She couldn't do all the things she had wanted to do in 6 months. She wanted to see a rain forest. She wanted to climb a mountain. She wanted to love someone so much its hurt. There was a hundred and one more things she wanted to do before she died, but she would never get a chance to do all of them. She wasn't even sure if she would be able to do the first three. She looked straight infront of her. She saw an off liecence. She had a strong urge to go in there and get the bigest bottle of vodka they had. But she resisted. She knew that no matter how much she drunk, this would never go away. She was just going to have to face it. She had cancer. Simple. At that moment, her phone started to go off again. She looked at the screen and saw that it was from Kris. She opened the text.

Jess,

Plz tel me where u r.

im so woried bout u.

uv been gone for ovr a week.

plz tell me where u r.

i want 2 c u.

plz contact me.

Luvz Kris

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Jess felt the tears coming again. How was she going to tell him?


	6. Chapter 6

_**What If?**_

_**Part Two**_

_**Chapter Two**_

Jess put her key in the keyhole. She took a deep breath, before turning the key and entering the flat.

Kris: Zo, did you...J..Je...JESS!

Kris ran up to her and lifted her up. He hugged her for a long time and she wasn't complaing. She wanted to just stand there, in his arms. But knew she couldn't. When Kris eventually let her go, she could tell that he had been crying. He didn't look like Kris. He had on a plain black T-Shirt and a pair of old, ripped jeans. His hair was messed up and he had no make up on whatsoever. Jess suddenly felt very guilty. What had she put him threw?

Kris: Oh Jess thank go your alive! I've been so worried. I thought the worst had happened! Where on earth have you been! I've rung all the people from your course, Rhys, Gilly, Russ, Steph, even your parents! But none of them have seen you in weeks! Jess? Jess, whats wrong?

Jess suddenly had started crying. She couldn't help it. She knew she had to tell him, but she didn't know how. Kris quickly pulled her into his arms. This time, he moved her down to the sofa. Kris slid back onto the sofa and Jess folowed. They just lay there. Jess soon fell asleep. Kris watched her sleep for a little while, but then he soon feel asleep aswell. But if he knew what she would tell him after they woke up, he would have wished they stayed sleeping forever...


	7. Chapter 7

_**What If?**_

_**Part Two**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Jess woke up. She saw Kris looking at her with his beautiful blue eyes. For one moment, she forgot everything. Just for one moment, everything was perfect. Then she remembered. She hadn't wanted to, but she did. Kris gave her a smile. She tried to return it, but she just couldn't. She slowly sat up. Kris reached his hand out and stroked the hair away from her face. At this, Jess felt the tears again, but she forced them back. She had to do this. She had to tell him.

Kris: Hey, sleepy head.

Jess: Hey, wheres the others?

Kris: They came back while you were asleep. I asked them to go out, I wanted to talk to you to see if you were okay.

Jess: I'm...I'm... I can't lie. I'm not okay.

Kris: Well, then tell me whats wrong. Mabey I can help?

Jess: You can't help. No one can.

Kris: You don't know that.

Jess: Yes. I do.

Kris: Well, even if I can't help, surely you must need a shoulder to cry on.

Jess: Theres no point. Theres no point in anything any more.

Kris looks at Jess worriedly.

Kris: Jess, look, you're really scaring me now. Please, just tell me whats wrong.

Jess: I can't.

Kris: Yes you can.

Kris takes Jess' hand.

Kris: You can tell me anything.

Jess: Not this.

Kris: Well, let me get you something to eat.

Jess: No thanks, hospital food has put me off...

Kris intrerupted her.

Kris: Hospital? Hospital? Is that where you've been?!

Jess: Look, can we just leave it?

Kris: No Jes, we can't. Come on, please. You're scaring me.

Jess: Kris, I...I... I just can't.

Kris: Why not?

Jess now had tears gracefully falling down her face.

Jess: Because, if I tell you, then it will mean its real.

Kris: Whats real? Jess, you're really scaring me now. Whats wrong?

Jess: Kris, I've...I've got...

Kris: What? Jess, please, whatb are you on about.

Jess: Kris, I've got cancer.

Kris' mouth fell open.

Jess: Kris? Kris, please say something.

Kris suddenly got up. He walked out of the flat and slamed the door behind him. Jess sat there for moment. But then, it all became to much. She put her head in her hands and cryed. She was alone. All alone.


	8. Chapter 8

_**What If?**_

_**Part Two**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Jess sat crying into a pilow all night. She couldn't stop. Why did he just walk out like that? She thought he wouldn't of tooken it well, she thought he might even shout, but he just walked out. She would have prefered shouting. She heard a noise behind her. She turned round. It was Zack.

Zack: Jess! Great to see you, we've all been so... Jess? Whats the matter?

Zack walked over to her and sat down beside her.

Zack: Jess? Jess, whats up? Come on, you can tell me.

Jess: I can't. You'll just walk out like Kris did.

Zack: Kris walked out on you? While you were in this state! It can't be that bad!

Jess: Can't it! I've got cancer Zack! And Kris has just walked out on me! But if you think thats not that bad!

Jess broke down again. Zack sat there for a moment, but then he put his arms around her. She wept into his shoulder. About ten minutes later Zoe walked through the door.

Zoe: Zack, I couldn't find her anywh... Whats going on? Jess? Jess are you okay?

Zoe rushed over and put her arm around Jess. This made her cry even more. Jess suddenly got up. She had mascara driping down his face.

Jess: I'm...Im... I'm sorry, I've got to go.

With that, Jess ran to her bedroom. Zoe spun round to face Zack. He had tears trickling down his face.

Zoe: Zack, whats happened? Whats wrong with her?

Zack: I think she better tell you herself, I've got to go find Kris.

Zoe: Why?

Zack: To knock some blody sense into him!

Zack went for the door, but Zoe stopped him.

Zoe: Zack, I don't think you should. Your upset.

Zack: He needs his head examened!

Zoe: Why? Whats he done?!?!

Zack: (tears now rapidly coming down his face) BECAUSE JESS JUST TOLD HIM THAT SHE HAD CANCER AND HE RAN OFF ON HER!

Zack broke down in tears.

Zack: I've got to speak to Jess.

Zack headed for Jess' room. He opened the door without knocking. She was sitting on her bed, tears still streaming down her cheeks. Zack went over to her and pulled her in for a hug.

Zack: I'm sorry.

Jess: You're not the one who abondoned me, are you? Why are you being so understanding?

Zack: Cause I know about this stuff. My mum sied of cancer when I was twelve.

Jess: I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Zack: Its alright. I just want you to know, even if Kris doesn't suport you, I will.

Jess: Thanks. You're an amazing friend.

Zack: No probs.

With that, Zack fell asleep. Jess smiled or the first time in weeks. She had found a true friend. And thats all she needed.


	9. Chapter 9

_**What If?**_

_**Part Three**_

_**One Last Chance**_

_**Chapter One**_

Zack woke up before Jess. He slowly got up, trying not to wake her. He silently opened the door and went through to the living room. He was greeted by a very worried Zoe.

Zoe: Zack, whats going on?! Kris hasn't came back, Ive heard sobs coming from Jess' room all night, and there has been a call from the hospital asking to speak to Jess! Zack, what did you mean last night when you mentioned cancer? Please, just tell me whats going on!

At that moment, Jess walked into the living room, her eyes red and swollen. She swallowed hard.

Jess: Zo, It's me. I've got cancer.

Zoe was frozen. She couldn't believe it. Jess. Cancer. She suddenly came to her senses and ran over to Jess and gave her a massive hug.

Zoe: Oh Jess, I'm sorry. But you know, theres all sorts of treatments now a days. Theres radioactive theropy, drugs, cemo, and there always really affective. What has the doctor said?

Jess swallowed harder. She knew, once she had spoke these words out loud, it would all become real.

Jess: I'm going to have an opporation in three weeks, and if that isn't a succes... He says I'll have 6 months tops.

Zoe and Zack were now in shock. This couldn't be happening. Not to Jess of all people. Zoe, Zack and Jess all had tears streaming down thier faces now, but all for different reaosns. Zoe was crying because Jess was her best friend, and she really didn't want to loose her. Jess was in tears because now that she had said it out loud, it all seemed to real. But Zack had tears of anger in his eyes. He was agrey because it wasn't fair. Why Jess? He was angrey because now two people he was really close to had been affected by the disease. But most of his anger was towards Kris. How could he just leave her like this. This was the one time Jess needed all the suport she could get, and he just abandoned her. Okay, mabey she did overrecact with the whole HIV thing, but Jess thought she was dieing aswell. You can't catch cancer. All three of them just sat on the couch all day. They all had they own thoughts on the situation. But all of them, just wanted it to be a nightmare. But they all knew, it was very, very real.


	10. Chapter 10

_**What If?**_

_**Part Three**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Jess sat alone in the flat. Zack, Zoe and Will all had lectures. They had all ofered to stay behind, but she refused. She just wanted to be on her own for a bit. She sat on the sofa, reading a letter the hospital had sent her. It had all sorts of information about cancer. Jess tried to take it all in, but it was too much. She remembered the day she found out that Kelly had it. She had suspected something was wrong for a long time, but Kelly always said she was fin.

FLASHBACK

Jess was in Kelly's bedroom looking through her cd's. Kelly had completely diffrents cds from Jess. Jess' stuff was all classical or opra. But Kelly's was completely diffrent. Her stuff was Greeenday, Hilary Duff, Kelly Clarkson, Darius, Atomic Kitten and The Killers! Nothing like what Jess would listen to. Kelly was in her bathroom. Jess got up and saw a piece of paper on the ground. She picked it up and started to read.

Dear Miss Sinclair,

I am sorry to imform you that your tests have came back withs ome problems. It seem to be that you have cancer. It does not seem terminal and we are going to give you all the treatment we can. There is a 55 chance that you will survive, and that is quite alot. Please call anytime you want a chat. Again, I am very sorry,

Yours sincerly,

Dr Hale.

Jess was in shock. Cancer. No, she couldn't have. At that moments, Kelly came through from the bathroom. Her eyes were red and swollen. Jess ran up to her and gave her a hug. It was true. And they both knew it.

END FLASHBACK

Jess remembered that day very well. She remembered how that very same day, Jess managed to conivince her to tell her parents. They were shocked. But they gave her all the support in the world. Jess thought to her own parents. She knew she had to tell them. And if she didn't do it now, se never would. Jess picked up her phone and dialled her parents number. There was a couple of rings untill a female answered the phone. It was her mum.

Mum: Hello, Mrs Barbra Harris here.

Jess: Hi mum.

Barbra: Oh hi, sweetheart. You sound upset dear, is everything alright?

Jess: No, not really. Mum theres something I have to tell you.

Barbra: Yes, love?

Jess: (nearly in tears) Em, mum I've got...got...I've got to go.

She hangs up. She broke down in tears. She couldn't tell her. She just couldn't. It would break her heart. After what happened to Robbie... Just then, Zack walked through the door. He saw she was upset and went to sit down beside her.

Zack: Hey hey, whats up?

Jess: I just called my mum to try and tell her, but I just couldn't, after what happened to my brother...

Zack: YOu have a brother?

Jess: Had a brother.

Zack: Oh Jess, what happened?

Jess: He was 6 years yonger than me. When he was 3 years old, he got diognosed with lucimia. It was terminal.

At this she cried even more. Zack was in shock. She had told him that her best friend her died of it, but not her brother.

Zack: Oh Jess, I had no idea.

Jess: Mum took it worse. She banned his name from the house, but I heard her sobbing at night. She was devestated. Thats why I can't tell her, it will send her over the edge.

Zack pulled her close. They sat there for what seemed to be hours. Jess broke the silence.

Jess: Thanks Zack.

Zack: As I've said before, what are mates for?


	11. Chapter 11

_**What If?**_

_**Part Three**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Jess sat alone in the flat. Zack, Zoe and Will all had lectures. They had all ofered to stay behind, but she refused. She just wanted to be on her own for a bit. She sat on the sofa, reading a letter the hospital had sent her. It had all sorts of information about cancer. Jess tried to take it all in, but it was too much. She remembered the day she found out that Kelly had it. She had suspected something was wrong for a long time, but Kelly always said she was fin.

FLASHBACK

Jess was in Kelly's bedroom looking through her cd's. Kelly had completely diffrents cds from Jess. Jess' stuff was all classical or opra. But Kelly's was completely diffrent. Her stuff was Greeenday, Hilary Duff, Kelly Clarkson, Darius, Atomic Kitten and The Killers! Nothing like what Jess would listen to. Kelly was in her bathroom. Jess got up and saw a piece of paper on the ground. She picked it up and started to read.

Dear Miss Sinclair,

I am sorry to imform you that your tests have came back withs ome problems. It seem to be that you have cancer. It does not seem terminal and we are going to give you all the treatment we can. There is a 55 chance that you will survive, and that is quite alot. Please call anytime you want a chat. Again, I am very sorry,

Yours sincerly,

Dr Hale.

Jess was in shock. Cancer. No, she couldn't have. At that moments, Kelly came through from the bathroom. Her eyes were red and swollen. Jess ran up to her and gave her a hug. It was true. And they both knew it.

END FLASHBACK

Jess remembered that day very well. She remembered how that very same day, Jess managed to conivince her to tell her parents. They were shocked. But they gave her all the support in the world. Jess thought to her own parents. She knew she had to tell them. And if she didn't do it now, se never would. Jess picked up her phone and dialled her parents number. There was a couple of rings untill a female answered the phone. It was her mum.

Mum: Hello, Mrs Barbra Harris here.

Jess: Hi mum.

Barbra: Oh hi, sweetheart. You sound upset dear, is everything alright?

Jess: No, not really. Mum theres something I have to tell you.

Barbra: Yes, love?

Jess: (nearly in tears) Em, mum I've got...got...I've got to go.

She hangs up. She broke down in tears. She couldn't tell her. She just couldn't. It would break her heart. After what happened to Robbie... Just then, Zack walked through the door. He saw she was upset and went to sit down beside her.

Zack: Hey hey, whats up?

Jess: I just called my mum to try and tell her, but I just couldn't, after what happened to my brother...

Zack: YOu have a brother?

Jess: Had a brother.

Zack: Oh Jess, what happened?

Jess: He was 6 years yonger than me. When he was 3 years old, he got diognosed with lucimia. It was terminal.

At this she cried even more. Zack was in shock. She had told him that her best friend her died of it, but not her brother.

Zack: Oh Jess, I had no idea.

Jess: Mum took it worse. She banned his name from the house, but I heard her sobbing at night. She was devestated. Thats why I can't tell her, it will send her over the edge.

Zack pulled her close. They sat there for what seemed to be hours. Jess broke the silence.

Jess: Thanks Zack.

Zack: As I've said before, what are mates for?


	12. Chapter 12

_**What If?**_

_**Part Three**_

_**Chapter Four**_

It was three days before Jess' opporation. She was in hospital room 107, base B. She had visiters all day. Zoe, Zack and Will all came in and out of her hotel room. They were the only people who knew of her condition. Well, the only people, apart from Kris. Jess thought about him every day. She wished she could forgive him, but she didn't know how. He had been so... She didn't know how to exlplain it. Un-understanding? That was the only way she could put it, but she wasn't sure if that was even a word.

At that moment, a familiar face was walking through the hospital. The young women walked up to the reseptionest.

Woman: Hi, I was wondering if a Jessica Harris was here? Its just I've been looking for her, shes an old family friend. Her mother told me she was in hospital, but she wasn't sure which one. She said she had been brought in with nemonia.

Receptionest: Well, there is a Jessica Harris here, but I'm afraid she's been broght in with cancer.

The woman stood still for a moment. Well, it did kind of make sense.

Woman: Erm well, could I still see her, just to check.

Receptionest: Okay, but she is very weak at the moment, she's in room 107, base B.

Woman: Thankyou.

The women headed down the corridor. She finnally reached base B. She walked down the corridor, suddenly feeling quite nervouse. She hadn't seen Jess in nearly two years. She counted the door as she walked by. 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105 106...107. She had reached it. She took a deep breath, then opened the door. She stepped inside. The young woman inside had her head in her hands, quietly sobbing. She looked up, realising some one had entered the room. She took a few moments to figure out who it was, but once she did, her mouth fell open.

Jess: Isabel?

Isabel: Hey Jess, long time, no see.


	13. Chapter 13

_**What If?**_

_**Part Four**_

_**Life Or Death**_

_**Chapter One**_

Jess sat there in shock. She couldn't believe it. Why was she here? After two years. She finnally was able to speak.

Jess: Isabel? What are you doing here?

Isabel: I called your mum to see how you were, and she said you had been taken to hospital with nemonia. But when I got here they said you had been taken in with...with... With cancer.

Jess was silent. She had told her mum she had been taken in with nemoia to stop her from finding out. She didn't know what to say. Should she lie? Or should she tell her the truth? Isabel would understand, of all people.

Isabel: Well? Is it true?

Jess: Please don't tell my mum.

Isabel: So it is? Oh Jess, I understand why you didn't tell your mum, with the whole thing with Robbie, but why couldn't you call me?

Jess: I was scared.

Isabel: Oh Jess, how long have you known?

Jess: I've suspected for ages, but I didn't go to the doctors. I was to frightened that they would tell me that I did.

Isabel: Oh Jess! You know you should phone the doctor as soon as you even suspect.

Jess: I didn't want to be told the same thing as Kelly. I was so... so...

Jess broke down. She couldn't handel it anymore. She had tried to act like it was nothing for the past three weeks. But she couldn't do that anymore. She was petrified. She didn't want to die. It wasn't fair. Isabel walked over to her and gave her a hug. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks aswell. She knew why Jess was scared. They had both watched Kelly go through all this. No wonder she was scared.

Isabel: Come on, you know theres a strong chance you can get through this. All the drugs and medicines are much better now a days. There a very strong survival rate. Its around 55 I think.

Jess: Yeh, which means theres a 45 chance that I wont survive. And thats very high aswell. Kelly was your sister, how can you be so optomistic about this?

Isabel: Because, things get improved all the time.

Jess: I'm so scared...

Isabel: Hey, come on. It will be fine.

Jess: You don't know that. No one does.

Isabel stayed silent. She knew Jess was right. No one knew what would happen.

Jess: See, you don't. In three days, I'm am going to have a 4 hour oporation. In 4 hours, my life span will be decied. Its a matter of life, or death. And no one knows what the outcome will be. If it goes well, I'll be fine to live the rest of my life. But if it doesn't, I'll Have six months. Thats it. No ifs, no buts. Simple.

They starded at eachother. They both knew what she wassaying was true. It was truley, a matter of life, or death.


	14. Chapter 14

_**What If?**_

_**Part Four**_

_**Chapter Two**_

It was the day before Jess' opporation. Jess was sitting in her bed watching t.v. Well, the tv was on, but Jess wasn't really paying attention to it. She should of been thinking about the four hour opporation she would be having tommorow, but that wasn't what was on her mind.


	15. Chapter 15

_**What If?**_

_**Part Four**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Jess unfolded the piece of paper. She began to read.

Jess,

Firstly, I wanted to say I am truely sorry. Honest. I never ment to hurt you. I was just in shock. I was scared. And I know thats no accuse, but I was. I couldn't bear the fact that I might loose you. I know I shouldn't have just left, but I didn't want to hear that it was terminal. I know I should have stayed and listened, but I just wouldn't have been able to cope if you had said it was. Looking back I realise I was just being selfish. I was thinking about how bad I felt, yet you were the one I should have been thinking about. And I don't expect you to forgive me, and I don't blame you, but I just want you to understand I really didn't want to hurt you. Jess, I have never felt this way about anyone before, and I when you said you just wanted us to be friends, it broke my heart. I've always cared about you. And I promise I will never forget you. Ever.

All my love,

Kris

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jess let a tear trickle down her cheek. What was she doing? She needed to speak to him. She noticed a nurse walk past her door, and called out. The nurse walked into her room.

Nurse: Yes?

Jess: Can you call a friend of mine, his number is speed dial 1 on my phone.

Nurse: Ofcourse I can, and what would you like me to tell him?

Jess paused.

Jess: Tell him, to come and see me.

With that, the nurse left the room. Jess breathed heavily. What was she going to say?


	16. Chapter 16

_**What If?**_

_**Part Four**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Kris lay on his bed. He didn't know what to think. For all he knew, Jess could be reading the letter at that very moment. What would she do? Would she through it away? Would she rip it up? He wouldn't balme her if she did. Why had he ran? He should have stayed, comforted her. But nooooo, he had to run, and ruin everything. Zoe hated him, Zack hated him, even Jess... Okay, so Zoe and Will had been talking to him, but Zack... Everytime Kris entered a room, Zack would just walk out. He hated him, and so did Jess. At that moment, Kris' phone started to ring. He looked at thenumber. It was the hospital. Was something wrong with Jess?

Kris: Hello?

Nurse: Hi, is this Kris Fisher?

Kris: Yes, it is.

Nurse: This is Nurse Jones from the hospital, I have a message from a Jessica Harris.

Kris swallowed hard.

Kris: Yes?

Nurse: She says she wants you to come and see her.

Kris let a smile spread across his face.

Kris: Okay, tell her I'll be there in about 15 minutes.

Nurse: I will.

With that, the nurse hung up. Kris sprung off his bed. He grabbed his coat and headed for the door. This was his chance. Had Jess actually forgave him?


	17. Chapter 17

_**What If?**_

_**Part Five**_

_**The Time Has Come**_

_**Chapter One**_

Kris walked along the hallway towards Jess' room. This was it. This was his last chance to prove to Jess that he realy cared about her. He turned the handle on her door, he opened it to find Jess sitting upright in her bed. She looked up and smiled at him. He loved the way she smiled, he loved everything about her. He walked over to her bed and sat down on the side. He saw the letter on her lap.

Kris: I...

Jess: Kris, I think it's better if I speak first.

Kris: Oh, okay.

Jess: Kris...

Jess was speachless. She had memorised exactly what she was going to say in her head, but the second his georgous eyes starded at her, everything she was planning to say, just left her head. She knew what she wanted to say, so why wasn't she saying it?

Jess: Kris...I...I...I forgive you.

Kris was stunned. Had she really just said that?

Kris: You do?

Jess: Ofcourse.

Jess leaned over and kissed Kris on the lips. She pulled away and smiled at him. That was what they had both wanted for such along time, and it didn't seem real that in a couple of hours, Jess would be taken into the opporation room, and their future, would be decided...


	18. Chapter 18

_**What If?**_

_**Part Five**_

_**Chapter Two**_

It was two hours before Jess' opperation. She sat in her room with five envolopes in her hand. She had spent all night writing them. She had wrote a letter each to Zoe, Zack, Will, Isabel and Kris. She fingered the envolopes. She looked at the clock beside her. It was exactly 1 hour and 57 minutes before her opperation. Which ment that in 5 hours and 57 minutes her fate would be decied. She knew there was a high percentage of surrvival rates in the UK, but she couldn't stop thinking about Kelly. Kelly was one of the healthiest people she had known, she didn't smoke, use drugs, she didn't even drink that often. But yet, they couldn't save Kelly, so what made it likely that they could save her? Jess felt a tear trickle down her face, but she quickly wiped it away. She didn't want to show how scarded she was. No, she wasn't scared, she was petrified. She had never actually thought about the fact that she could die any day. She had always thought she would live a long, healthy life, with a good carrer, kids and a husband. She never concidered that there was a possibleity that she could walk out the door tomorrow, and get run over. But now... In literally 24 hours she would be told if... Well, if she was going to live or... Die. She couldn't hold the tears back anymore. She let the tears come streaming down her face, one after another. She lay back on her bed and fell asleep, not knowing whether she would get another chance to...

Jess woke up. A doctor was smiling down at her. Surely it wasn't time yet?

Dr: Hello, Miss Harris, we are about to take you into surgery.

Jess: Really?

Dr: Yes, now what I want you to do is close your eyes, and count to ten. Can you do that for me?

Jess: Okay. One...Two...Three...Four...Five...Six...

With that, Jess went into a deep, deep sleep. That was it. Her fate was about to be decied...


	19. Chapter 19

_**What If?**_

_**Part Five**_

_**Chapter Two**_

Kris, Zoe, Zack, Will and Isabel walked along the corridor in silence. They had just been told that Jess had been taken into theatre. They all had their own thoughts about the situation, but they all had one thought in common. What if she doesn't make it? Just then, a nurse came running towards them, five envolopes in her hand. She came straight up to them.

Nures: Are you friends of Jessica Harris?

Kris: Yeh.

Zoe: Why?

Zack: Has something happened?

Nurse: No, no, nothing like that. Before she went into surgery, she asked me to give you these.

She handed them the five envolopes. They all took the one which had their name scribbled on it in Jess' neat handwriting. The nurse walked back along the corridor. The five turned back around and walked out of the hospital, not knowing what was in the envolopes which they held in their hands...


	20. Chapter 20

_**What If?**_

_**Part Five**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Zoe, Kris, Zack, Will and Isabel all sat in their rooms. Well, Isabel in Kris' and Kris in Jess'. Kris didn't want anyone in her room apart from himself. They all had an envolope in their hands. They all desparately wanted to open the envolopes, but they didn't know if they should. Will was the first one to open the letter.

Will,

I know you and I have never been that close, but they is two things I will always be gratefull for. The first, being there for Zoe in these past few months. I'm not sure if she would have coped if it wasn't for you, espeicaly after she lost Joe. The second, for being there for Kris when he really needed you. I don't know if he would have been able to get through the whole HIV thing without a great friend like you. For these two things I will be enternally greatfull, and I know if the worst thing happens, you will be there for them again.

All my love,

Jess x

Will wasn't usually one to cry, but at this letter, he let afew tears trickle down his cheeks. Isabel was the next to open her letter.

Isabel,

I remember when Kelly found out about her condition, it wasn't your parents she was you. She had convinced herself that you wouldn't want to continue living. Typical Kelly, thinking that you wouldn't be able to survive without her. But actually, when Kelly died, it wasn't you who was in a mess, it was me. And I know for sure, if you hadn't talked me into it, I wouldn't have come to HCC and met the love of my life. For this, you will never know how greatfull I am.

All my love,

Jess xxx

Isabel burst into tears. It was the first time she had cried since she had found out about Jess' condition. But this letter was too much. She just put her head in her hands, and cried. Zoe was the next to open her letter.

Zoe,

Well, I don't really know what to say. You are honestly one of the nicest, cheeriest, kindest people I have ever met. And you are also a very, very good friend. When I told you that I might have HIV, you just told me to go straight to the doctors. You were so brilliant, and kind. I will always remember that. And if the worst comes to the worst, I want you too promise me something. Promise me that you will be there for Kris when he needs it. I know hoe seems tough on the outside, but I know deep down he is relly easily pushed over the edge. Please do that for me,

All my love,

Jess xXxXx

Zoe let the tears stream down her face. She couldn't help thinking, whhat if the worst does happen? Zack was the next person to open his letter.

Zack,

First, I would like to say, thankyou. Thankyou for being there for me when I needed it most. I seriously don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there. You are truely an amazing friend, and I will never be able to repay you for all you have done for me. And I do hope one day you will find true love, you really do deserve it. And I know you must have a lot of resentment towards Kris, after your mother being taken away from you at such a young age by this horrid disease, and you are angrey at Kris fr not sticking by me. But please try and forgive him, I couldn't bare leaving this world with you and Kris not on speaking terms. Please try for me,

All my love,

Jess XxXxXxXxX

Zack broke down. He knew Jess was right. He had forgive Kris, even if it was just for Jess. The only person who hadn't opened his letter was Kris. He slowly opened the envolope and took out a peice of paper...


	21. Chapter 21

_**What If?**_

_**Part Five**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Kris took out the peice of paper from the envolope and unfoled it. He started to read.

Kris,

Well, what can I say? You are probebly the most arrogent, self absorbed, annoying, repetitive, irritating, troublesome, inconvenient man I have ever met, but at the same time, your the most funny, kind, caring, helpfull, loving, adorable, atractive, sexy thing I have ever layed eyes apon. I remember that time we were locked in a bathroom together, and you told me that you really liked me. When you told me this my insides started to do back flips and I had to stop myself from grabing you and kising you. Then I remeber valintines night. That was probebly one of the happiest moments of my life. I woke up about half an hour before you did and I just watched you sleep. You looked ike an angel. I was grinig so much I probebly looked like a chesire cat!

I could go on and on about moments that I wanted to last forever, but I have just wrote 4 letters and my hnd is getting sore. But if the worst does happen, I want you to remember this. Don't be sad that it ended, be glad that it happened. Thats what my best friend Kelly used to always say to me when I was scared to do something. Please remember this, and I hope that if I do pass, that some day, you'll find someone else (male or female) that you can spend the rest of your life with. And when you do, don't wait for ages until you tell her (or him) how you feel, you deserve happieness.

You know, there was a time about a week after we slept together when I was arguing with Zoe about my feelings for you. And she said something thats stuck in my mind ever since. Theres a thin line between love and hate. And, all the while I thought I hated you, in actual fact, I loved you. Because I do Kris, I love you, and I will untill the day I die.

All My Love,

Jess xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kris let tears rapidly stream down his face. At that moment he knew that Jess did actually think she was going to die. He picked up a picture off his bedside table. It was a picture of Jess. He managed to whisper something throught his tears.

Kris: I love you too...


	22. Chapter 22

_**What If?**_

_**Part Six**_

_**The Outcome**_

_**Chapter One**_

It had been three weeks ince Jess' opperation. They still hadn't found out if the opperation had been a succes or not as the doctors were still doing tests. Jess had been aloud home a week before and Kris had been waiting on her hand and foot. Him and Zack had finnaly made friends agian, which Jess was very greatfull for. Jess' parents still thought that Jess had neomonia. Jess had phoned them and told her about Kris. They had disaproved at first but when they heard about all the Kris was doing for her, they soon gave them their blessing. They called Kris everyday to ask how Jess was doing. It was really hard for Kris not to give anything away.

Kris was walking back from Drive'n'Buy, when his mobile started to ring. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that it was Jess' mum, Barbra.

Kris: Hello?

Barbra: Hi Kris, how is Jessica today?

Kris: She's very well thankyou. I managed to convince her to eat some chiken last night.

Barbra: Oh, good good. Anything else?  
Kris: Well, she been speaking alot more now. She's even talking about going back to lectures.

Barbra: Oh, that is good. And how are you doing?

Kris: I'm good, thanks. I went back to lectures yesterday. We've all managed to plan our lectures so that Jess in't left on her own for too long.

Barbra: Oh, that is good. I must thank you again for all you have done for out Jessica. How can we ever repay you?

Kris: Your blessing is enogh repayment for me. I've got to go now, but I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Barbra: Okay, Kris.

With that, she hung up. Kris carried on walking towards Hcc, unaware that Jess had just got a very important letter...

Kris walked into the flat. He went straight to the kitchen.

Kris: Right, I know you said not to fuss but I got us a chocolate cake for the night, and a... Jess? Jess, whats wrong?

Just then, Kris realised that Jess was sat on the sofa, head in her hands and a letter sitting beside her...


	23. Chapter 23

_**What If?**_

_**Part Six**_

_**Chapter Two**_

Kris stood there in shock. He knew what the letter said before he even read it. He felt a single tear trickle down his cheek. He wanted to overto her and wap his arms around her, but he couldn't. He was unable to move. He watched her sobbing for what seemed like hours, but it was actually just a matter of minutes. She looked up. Her eyes were red and swowllen. Kris suddenly came to his senses. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. They sat there in silence, until Jess spoke in no more than a whisper.

Jess: It's from the hospital. They said...

Jess trailed off into wimpers. Kris wrapped his arms tighter around her. Jess started to talk again.

Jess: Kris...I'm...I'm...

She couldn't say it. She didn't want to say it. She knew that Kris already knew what she was trying to say, but she had to say it. That way she would have to face up to it. She didn't want too, but she had to.

Kris: It's alright. I know what you're trying to say. It's okay.

Jess: Okay? How is it going to be okay?

Kris was silent. He didn't know what to say. She was right and they both knew it. Instead, he just tightened his grip on her, as if he thought if he squeezed hard enough, he would be able to get it out of her, and they would be able to carry on with thir lives. But deep down he knew he couldn't. Deep, deep down, he knew that Jessica Harris, was going to die.


	24. Chapter 24

_**What If?**_

_**Part Six**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Zack, Zoe and Will were walking along the corridor of halls, talking about Jess.

Will: I hope the opperation has worked.

Zoe: So do I, for our sakes and for Kris'.

Zack groaned.

Zoe: I thought you and Kris were mates again?

Zack: We are.

Will: But?

Zack: I just can't get over the fact that he just left her.

Zoe: Come on Zack, you know he's sorry.

Will: Yeh, mate, just let it go.

Zack: I'll try, anyway, isn't Jess supposed to be getting the results back soon?

Just as Zack said this, they walked into the flat. And from the scene they saw, it was very obvious that Jess had got the results.

Kris sat with his head in his hand. There was a quite wimpering coming from behind his hands. He looked up and saw Zoe, Zack and Will standing in the doorway. He had a peice of paper in his hand. Zoe was the first to speak.

Zoe: Kris?

Zack: What's happened?

Will: Is it Jess?

Kris opened his mouth a couple of times, but no words came out. Zoe walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. All three of them knew perfectly well that is was Jess, and all three of them knew perfectly well what had happened.


	25. Chapter 25

_**What If?**_

_**Part Six**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Jess sat in her room. She didn't know what to do, think or say. She only had one thought in her head. I'm doing to die. The same thought went whizing round her head. She picked up her phone, went into contacts and scrolled down until she reached the contact mum. She pressed the "call" button on her phone. It rang a few times before a chirpy women answered the phone.

Barbra: Hello?

Jess: Hi mum, it's me.

Barbra: Oh hello swetheart. I hear you're feeling better, I spoke to Kris about an hour ago.

Jess: Yes, em mum, theres something I have to tell you.

Barbra: What is it, love?

Jess(tearily) : I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm goning to have to call you back.

With that Jess hung up. She couldn't say it. She wouldn't. Just then Jess' mobile started to ring. She expected it to be her mum, but when she looked at the caller idea it said it was the hospital. She picked up the phone.

Jess: Hello?

Dr: Hi, this is Dr Macmillan from the hospital. I'm just calling to congratulate you on the good news.

Jess started to get angrey.

Jess: Good news? How is the fact that I'm going to die good news?

Dr: Miss Harris, the test results came back and it said that you were all clear, we sent you a letter...

Jess droped the phone. Had he really just said that? A smile suddenly spread across her face. She was going to live. She was going to LIVE!


	26. Chapter 26

_**What If?**_

_**Part Seven**_

_**A Second Chance In Life**_

_**Chapter One**_

Jess ran into the living room. Will, Zack, Zoe and Kris were all sat around the table. They all looked up as she entered the room. She had the biggest grin on her face.

Jess: I'm clear! I'm clear!

Will: Jess, what are you talking about?

Jess: The hospital just clled and I'm clear!

They all looked at her in shock. Kris still had the letter in one hand. It didn't make any sense. The letter which Kris held in his hand said that Jess only had monthsto live, yet the hospital had called to say she was clear.

Jess: Well, don't look so pleased!

Zoe was the first to speak.

Zoe: That's excelent Jess!

Zoe walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her.

Zack: Yeh, Jess. That's brilliant news.

Will: Sorry, it is brill news, but Jess...

Jess: Yes?

Kris: Jess, what about the letter?

Jess' face fell. She had completely forgotten about the letter.

Jess: Well..mabey...

Kris: Hey, well lets just forget about it, eh? Lets go down the SU and celebrate?

Zack: Yeh, and I'm buying!

Will: For once!

Zoe: Jess?

Jess hadn't really been listening. Who had sent her the letter?

Kris: Jess?

Jess: Em, yeh, yeh.

Will: Right then, lets go.

Just as they were all heading out the door, Kris pulled Jess aside.

Kris: Oh, and Jess. I am really, really glad your gonna be okay. I don't know what I would have done if...

Jess cut him off.

Jess: Well, you don't have to worry aout that now, do you?

Jess took his hand and led him out the door. But at the back of both of their minds was the same thought. Who on earth sent that letter?


End file.
